Late-Night Comics Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

TV's leading entertainers devoted the airtime ridiculing former President Donald Trump's recently launched visa program, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play scheme for the affluent.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic holiday tune about the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new plan which permits overseas individuals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for five million. An official page promises approval "in record time."

"A brief message here to wealthy immigrants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "get cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, with hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choice – if it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The best background check the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll ratings amid financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he joked.