My Companion Only Ever Talks On Her Topics: Should I Cut Her Off?

Our friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome numerous challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been often blindsided in relationships. Her spouse walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Many of close acquaintances disappeared during that time, as they were focused solely on him. She was stunned by her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, likely understood better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Over the years, several close to her have disappeared without her being certain of the reason. Her last employer turned on her, although she was highly competent, and she left without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, both of us retired leading to more frequent meetups, but I am finding my role in our friendship feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. I try to suggest verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a holiday to a country I've visited many times and resided in for a while. My intention was to provide insights, however, my input not welcomed. She purely only wanted my agreement with her plans. I have returned from 30 days in that place she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she will ever grasp the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could cut and run, yet this is rarely the easy answer that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step requires explaining the usual pattern in your conversations. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. Step two involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement about this. What you feel are your feelings, after all. Finally is to question how the two of you can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Consider she too has a point of view, so you need to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say her:

"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for half an hour."

Key Takeaways

Your friend might reject everything, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a version about themselves they won't let go of as it feels essential depends upon it being the only thing they've known. It's tough as there is no thoroughfare with these people, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out this way before reflecting about what you've said. If a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides peace from having been open and direct.